Ma 2020 január 23. Zelma, Rajmund napja van. Holnap Timót napja lesz.
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Hétköznapi szörnyeteg

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Szöveg méret

Még nincs értékelve

Előre le kell szögeznem: sem empátia, sem jóindulat, sem sajnálat rég nincs már bennem, így nem is ezek a dolgok vezettek a cikk megírásához. Egyszerűen csak szeretném felhívni a figyelmet a mindenki lelkében ott lappangó gonoszságra, aminek létezéséről sokan egyáltalán nem tudnak, vagy csak nem akarnak tudomást venni.

   Hisz manapság mindenki olyan tökéletesnek és jónak hiszi magát, hogy aligha tűnnek fel a mindennapi aljasságaink.

Este történt, egy külvárosi villamoson. Nem voltak rajta sokan, de ahhoz elegen, hogy minden ülőhelyre jusson legalább egy valaki. Én szokás szerint álltam, így szerencsére pontosan megfigyelhettem azt a bizonyos esetet.
Húszas éveinek elején járó, végtelenül önérzetes és magát gondolkodó lénynek valló leány csücsül az egyik ajtó melletti ülésen. Az a fajta, aki minden elképzelhető módon próbálja korrigálni a szépség és a báj teljes hiányát, így előkerül a pökhendi, okoskodó tekintet. Az, amely azt mondja mindenkinek: “Senkik vagytok hozzám képest!”.
Megállónál idős, nem túl ápolt öregúr száll fel, sebesen körülnéz, ülőhelyre vadászik. De mivel későre jár az óra, így szinte nincs is konkurencia, nincs ellenséges dögevő, aki lecsapna a kiszemelt székre. Méretes batyuját szorongatva leül az imént tárgyalt b*szatlan bányarémmel szemben.
Az önmagát pedig gondolkodó, értelmes, mi több okos embernek valló leány pedig teátrális, szenvedő arcot vágva, fintorogva és undorodva pattan fel és áll oda mellém azon nyomban, késedelem nélkül. Már csak annyi kellett volna, hogy le is köpje az öreget, akin azért látszott, hogy nem volt hajléktalan, sőt még részeg sem, egyszerűen csak borostás és ápolatlan. A szaga sem lehetett valami förtelmes, hiszen ott ment el előttem, s én nem éreztem semmit.
A misszpicsának azonban minden bizonnyal az enyémnél sokkalta fejlettebb, érzékenyebb a szaglószerve. Meg a szeme is sokkal élesebb, és nem bírja elviselni a látványt. Meg egyébként is, hogy merészeli bárki megzavarni őt? Látom rajta a sértett büszkeséget, amint még utoljára visszapillant a gaz öregre.
Én is őt fürkészem a lány helyett. Látszik rajta, hogy tökéletesen érti a helyzetet, csak azt nem tudja, miért történt. Kibámul az ablakon, de ettől még tudom és látom, hogy milyen rosszul esett neki. Bár az is lehet, hogy megszokta már. De mit számít ez?
A lány meg rám néz. Miután az állati énje átvette az irányítást és elmenekült a fenyegető veszélyforrás elől, ismét visszatért belé az értelem morzsája. A legközelebbi embertől várja a megerősítést a tudatlanul elkövetett cselekedete helyességére.
Nem kapja meg.
Mint mondtam, nincs bennem együttérzés. Ám azt nagyon is jól tudom, hogy mi játszódhatott le az öregben.
És azt is, ami a lányban. Mikor este hazamegy, kicsit fel lesz háborodva. Bosszús lesz, amiért ilyen bunkók az emberek, és egy számára nem tetsző példány ült le vele szemben a villamoson. Talán még el is meséli valakinek ezt a kellemetlen esetet. És el is tudja hitetni magával, hogy helyesen cselekedett. Elhiteti magával, még ha téved is, hogy ő nem egy aljas szörnyeteg.
Az öreg viszont nem fogja elmesélni a történetet senkinek. Csak egy lesz a sok-sok tüske közül, amelyek az évek során megszúrták, minden ok nélkül. Ő ismeri az emberi gonoszságot.
De az igazán gonosz emberek soha nem ismerik meg.
Ki érti ezt?
 
Sztakó Balázs
Szerző a Flag Polgári Műhely tagja

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